These quizzes are so lame but I have to take them anyway. And of course I'm Alice. And my son is a werewolf.

Which Twilight novel character are you?

You're Alice Cullen - You are vivacious and full of energy! Your childlike way of looking at life makes you both amusing and special to your friends. You make an excellent friend, although you do have a tendency to get uppity if you're not immediately given your way- people often give into you for your charm. Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Old news, but still really, really awesome

I saw this last year (or maybe the year before) but am still in awe at it. So I thought I'd post it for those of you who haven't seen it. And I promise you it is truly for real. My dad won't believe it no matter how many times he sees it, he'll swear it's doctored up, but it's not. All I can say is this guy's neighbors probably hate him by the end of the season.

This song is a very appropriate theme for me tonight, as its beats-per-minute are perfectly synchronized with my running around getting last minute gifts and wrapping them. My family's Christmas is being celebrated this Friday, so tonight is Christmas Eve-Eve for me. And let's just say I'm not quite crying yet, but tomorrow I will be for sure.

26

I'd like to say I have some profound thoughts about turning 26 years old today, but I don't. I've spent my entire life wishing I was older. Many times I have lied about my age. Not lied, but let people assume I was older than I really am without correcting them. I think this stemmed from the time I started my first job. It wasn't a job most 14-15 year olds start out with. Every single one of my co-workers was in college and I had a major age-inferiority complex going on. My dad was "the boss" and I was determined to prove to people that the reason I had my job wasn't because of that fact. I didn't want to be the cliché of "the boss's daughter". I looked older than 15, so when people assumed, I let them. It only became a problem when 24 year old guys would invite me to come out with them to lunch. I remember one guy named Kelly had it bad for me. He had no idea how young I was and when he asked me out, I told him to hold on for a minute and then I ran into my Dad's office to ask him what on earth I should do. Ever helpful, he told me to go out with him and don't tell him how young I was until after he had paid for lunch.

It turns out that while trying to prove my working capabilities despite my age, I had erred on the side of being too good an employee. I didn't realize it until several years later when I overheard a co-worker talking about how she could take advantage of me because I stick my nose in my assigned project, not coming up for air until it was finished, and then immediately go back to ask for more work, like some sort of puppy. Well that was a big wake-up call, and also the beginning of me being a normal employee, the kind that allowed herself to pee during the day. Or stop at the drinking fountain for a minute.

But even since that wake-up call, I've still always worried what people thought of my age, like they wouldn't respect me as much as I deserved. What would they think of a 24 year old woman doing this job? I've often wondered at what age would I finally not wish I was older. What number would it take? When would stop pausing before answering the question, "how old are you?" so that I could figure out how old I really am, since I honestly forgot from lying about it more often than not? Well, apparently that number is 26, but I didn't know it would be that number until the last few days. I'm okay with being 26. I don't feel too young or two old. I'm just 26. So what?

Enjoying...

a handful of Bit-O-Honeys and this song, along with the entire album it comes from, Our Endless Numbered Days.

I was a fool to believe

Did you know that Simon Dewey is a Brit? Or at least he has a British accent. Maybe it's a fake. Well anyway, I met him last night (during the same trip to Costco where I was sad to be informed I don't look as young as I thought I did). And he has a British accent.

When I was in media makeup artistry school I was taught that all high-fashion photographers have either a French or English accent. It's part of their photography school curriculum and the French or English depends on what school they went to. Now that I type this all out I realize I'm a fool. Who would believe that? And what sort of fashion photographer actually goes to school anymore anyway? It's so much more elite to be self-taught.

So, that awakening-to-the-truth thing that just happened to me with the fake accents? It's like when you're seven, and you're eavesdropping on an adult conversation in which someone makes a political joke and you take it literally and spend the next 15 years thinking Saddam Hussein's name really ISN'T Saddam, it's just what the Americans nicknamed him because it's "mad-ass" spelled backwards. And then when you're older and wiser Saddam comes back into the picture. Except this time you actually get the joke, and your mind swirls back through 15 whole years in just a matter of seconds, to rectify all those times you thought you were so clever for calling Saddam such a naughty, secret codename.

Perhaps a fitting follow-up post to the one where you learned my husband used to babysit me.

We were just at Costco, and there was a cute girl about my age working the checkout line. I thought I heard another employee call her "McKenna". So when we got up to her, I asked, "Did he just call you McKenna?" She said yes and I said, "We have the same name!" She then gave me a high-five and said, "Awesome! I've never met another McKenna that was older than me!" And the rest of the conversation doesn't even need to be written here because, I mean, what else is there, right?

Except that in the parking lot on the way out this happened:

"I swear that girl in there was no younger than you."
"I know right? Do I look old for my age? "
"Well I didn't think so but one has to beg the question after that!"
"Maybe it's because I have a baby."
"Or maybe it's me."
"It's YOU! YOU make me look old! You drag me up to 30!"

How I met him the second time around

One day in 1st grade I was sick with the flu and stayed home from school. My mom worked as a writer for a local newspaper and needed to go in to the office for a while, so she dropped me off at her friend's house. It happened that her friend's son, Stephen, almost 4 years older than me, was sick with the flu as well. I was a little shy and nervous in their house, my mom's friend intimidated me, although very nice. She sat us down next to each other on the couch and handed each of us a large saucepan, just in case we needed to puke. There we sat, side by side, big, black pans on our laps. I have a snapshot in my brain of that very moment. The first memory I have of my husband.

Our mothers have been best friends since I can remember. Stephen's older sisters were my favorite babysitters, and I especially idolized his sister Ami. She could drive a car, and she listened to such a cool radio staion: "Kissin' 97". And Gina. She drove a bullet bike! Rad. Occasionally, Stephen and his brother Mike would co-babysit me and my younger siblings. I remember playing tag in our house and generally being a nine year old pain in the butt to them. I was the most precocious thing at that age. I would get teased in the neighborhood for being the biggest liar, and I deserved it. I made up such stories. Told the neighbor I was adopted. When she said that's not possible because I look just like my dad, I told her, "well my dad's my real dad, but my mom's not my real mom".

So you can see why, many years later, I didn't go up to Steve and say "hi" when I spotted him at the gym. I didn't want him to remember that annoying nine year old. I hadn't seen him in a decade. Not a glimpse, not even a picture. And there he was on the elliptical, big and burly like a teddy bear.

And the next day, I saw him at the pizza house during lunch.

And the next day I spotted him at the mall, then came home to tell my mom, who was still regularly in touch with Steve's mom.

"Mom, I have run into Steve G. the last three days in a row. Weird! And. He's cute. And. Maybe he would like to be my friend or maybe ask me out. You should call his mom and tell her to tell him to call me!"

After ten minutes of utter protest, I finally convinced her to call Steve's mom. Fast-forward several days and my phone rings. It's Steve. He's on a business trip in Tuscon and his mom gave him my number just before he left. Originally he refused to call. Too weird, right? "I used to babysit her." But something told him to just pick up the phone and get re-acquainted. We talked for several hours and I don't remember a more enjoyable conversation. He came home a few days later and took me to the playhouse and to dinner, where I incidentally managed to break my fork.

He was different from other guys. Other guys opened doors for me. Fine. This guy pushed in my chair at dinner. He held my coat open for me to slide my arms in. He turned the heater in his car on full blast to keep me from shivering, even though it made him sweat. He deeply respected me. He wasn't too cool to be goofy. He didn't kiss me until Thanksgiving, four dates later.

And by Christmas, we knew we were forever.
And by New Years, he had picked out a ring.
And by Spring, we had tied the knot.
And today he still makes me laugh every day. He makes my soul smile.

Fortunately, unfortunately

Unfortunately, my computer's mother bored fried itself so I spent the entire exhausting day trying a million different fixes that of course didn't work.

Fortunately, I had an appointment at the salon after work. I always feel good with fresh color and a trim.

Unfortunately, I accidentally handed the cashier at the salon my company's credit card instead of my debit card, which means I accidentally stole $85 bucks. How do you explain yourself on that? There's no excuse other than, "I just wasn't thinking."

Fortunately, I looked really hot driving home in the dark.

Unfortunately, I looked down to find my gas light had been on for who knows how long.

Fortunately, I still had 15 minutes before I could pick up the pizza for dinner, so I had time to stop at the gas station.

Unfortunately, I couldn't get my debit card to work in the machine. It took five tries and 15 minutes standing in short sleeves in the freezing cold.

Fortunately, the pizza was still hot when I got there.

Unfortunately, my bank called me before I could even get home to ask if someone had stolen my card because a gas station just charged me $99 four times. Seriously, can anything work right for me today?

Fortunately, they are an awesome bank and refunded the charges immediately.

Unfortunately, I forgot to check my speedometer while driving on that one back road with the speed limit of a one-lane residential street, even though it's very much not one-lane, and very much not residential, and very much should be a 40mph road. I got pulled over.

Fortunately, the officer was really nice.

Unfortunately, he gave me a ticket anyway.

Fortunately, I didn't get hit by the train between my citation spot and my driveway, the pizza was tasty, and I got a good night's sleep because my chihuahua didn't bore his way under the covers to sleep in my bed. (Odd, I don't think there's been one single night he hasn't done that.)

Unfortunately, we woke up to find out that the reason he didn't sleep in our bed was because he slept on the front porch in the snow. All four pounds of him. Shivering. Purple. Delirious. Oops. (Note to future self: when you take the dog out to pee, let him back in)

Fortunately, he didn't die. A few minutes under the covers and he was back to his chipper self again.

Unfortunately, there are many days in my crazy life that follow this familiar pattern of chaos and confusion. Disarray. Cataclysm.

Fortunately, I always wake up the next day to find I am incredibly blessed with family, friends, shelter. And really, what else is there?

Peeking over the top of my book

This is a completely useless picture but I can't bring myself to delete it. Why does it bring me joy? Maybe because it looks like peace to me. This is my view from the couch, after the baby's in bed, after the dishes are done, and some of my favorite simple things are going on. My feet are propped up on the ottoman you see, I'm covered in a fuzzy blanket reading books and magazines by the light of my Christmas tree, and I'm drinking water from my favorite Coca-Cola glass.

100th Post

Because I'm so profoundly creative and different from everyone else, I decided to post 100 things about myself in honor of my 100th post to Shrek Loves Fiona. Don't fall asleep, kay?

1. I have green eyes.
2. I was named after Jane Seymour’s character in Somewhere In Time: Elise McKenna.
3. My middle name comes from my Dad’s Mom: Lyn.
4. I started this blog in April 2005 while I was in Tawain for a month on business. It was a means to communicate with my family and preserve the amazing culture I was experiencing.
5. I’ve been addicted to blogging ever since.
6. I am 2 years, 2 months, and 2 days older than my brother.
7. I can only drink a half a can of soda. I have to save the can in the fridge and finish it the next day.
8. Strawberries are my favorite food.
9. Well, I guess they’re tied for first with cheese.
10. I’ve known my husband since birth.
11. My husband babysat me when I was 8.
12. I have a Chihuahua named Dino.
13. I count things compulsively. How many people in the room, how many corners and sides on architectural things, how many letters on a billboard, what license plate numbers add up to, etc.
14. Besides addition, I’m horrible at doing math in my head.
15. I have played the piano for 18 years.
16. It makes me feel old to say that I’ve done something for 18 years.
17. I have played the guitar for 15 years.
18. I used to play the saxophone
19. I used to play the flute.
20. Once I bought a cello after breaking up with my boyfriend.
21. My mom said it was “rebound love”. Maybe she was right.
22. I took it back after two weeks because I didn’t have time to take lessons.
23. One day I will learn to play the cello well. It’s my favorite instrument.
24. I write poetry that no one reads.
25. I draw pictures that no one sees.
26. I love scrapbooks but hate scrap booking.
27. I love to sing and I’m good at it.
28. I’m a horrible dancer but have always wished I was good.
29. Despite the relationship between #27 & #28, I find So You Think You Can Dance so much more entertaining than American Idol.
30. I have a really acute olfactory sense (sense of smell)
31. My favorite smells are of books and coffee.
32. So it’s probably no surprise to you that Barnes & Noble is my happy place. And every time I go there I leave with a brand new book. I can’t help myself. It’s a souvenir from my experience there.
33. I only go to Barnes & Noble twice a year.
34. My parents got divorced when I was 11.
35. It made everyone happier.
36. My son is Native American.
37. I am not Native American, but my 13^th great grandma was Pocahontas.
38. When I was single, I would buy a new outfit from head to toe at least once per week.
39. When I was single I hated doing my laundry so badly that I would buy new underwear every week.
40. Once I got married I realized I had an addiction to shopping. Filling my shopping bag was like filling me up when my heart was empty.
41. I still get the urge to blow a ton of money on absolutely nothing. Sometimes I go to one of my favorite online stores, fill my bag with $100s of merchandise, fill out the credit card information, and then abandon the website. It satisfies my shopping craving even though I don’t click “Submit”.
42. Sometimes I click down on “ Submit”, hold it there for a moment, exhale, then move my mouse off of Submit before releasing the mouse button so the order doesn’t go through.
43. I have to drink a full glass of freezing cold water right before I climb into bed or I can’t fall asleep.
44. I wake up every single night to pee.
45. I have a benign pituitary tumor. The pituitary is the “brain” for your hormones and endocrine system. If you were to draw a line through the inside of your head from ear to ear, and another line from the top-center of your head down, your pituitary sits where those two lines would intersect, and is smaller than a pea.
46. 5 years ago, I had an endocrine system upset that caused me to gain 80 lbs in less than 3 months.
47. I still haven’t lost the weight.
48. I grit my teeth whenever I’m watching a movie because I feel like I should be doing something more productive.
49. Still, one of my favorite things to do is watch movies.
50. I don’t like milk chocolate.
51. I love the darkest dark chocolate. The more it bites you back when you bite it, the better it tastes.
52. My sister, Megan, and I have six matching freckles in identical places of our bodies.
53. One of them is in the left peak of our upper lip. I like that freckle.
54. I like my eyelashes.
55. I hate my big toes.
56. I hate wearing socks.
57. I hate cold weather.
58. I love the marketing emails Crate & Barrel sends. I save every single one. Whoever runs their marketing department must be my kindred. They know just the eye candy to make my heart smile.
59. My hair is naturally curly and I don’t mind it one bit.
60. I’ve never seen Indiana Jones.
61. I’ve never seen Top Gun.
62. Get over it, I’ll get around to seeing them when I feel like it.
63. I have a mega crush on Wentworth Miller from Fox’s Prison Break.
64. My husband wouldn’t let me name our son Wentworth or Miller.
65. I constantly apply lipgloss throughout the day.
66. I started a perfume/bath & body/home fragrance company.
67. I designed a signature fragrance for my dog. It’s the perfect blend to combat mustiness.
68. Sometimes I wear the dog’s perfume.
69. I get a lot of compliments when I wear it.
70. I was the choir president in high school.
71. Just because you’re choir president in high school doesn’t mean you’re an innocent angel.
72. I love the game World of Warcraft, but only played the 30 day trial and didn’t renew, for fear of letting it take up too much of my time.
73. I’m a freak about techie gadgets. The latest, greatest cell phones, PDAs, mp3 players, external hard drives, laptops, hand held game systems, and cameras are absolutely irresistible to me.
74. I love me some bling, bling!
75. I love going to the symphony, ballet, opera, and playhouse.
76. I love all types of music from opera to metal; country to jazz.
77. I type 80 words per minute with 97% accuracy.
78. The reason I know this is because I was so desperate to leave a job that sucked the life out of me I was willing to settle for less than half my salary at a recording job for the city. The application process included a typing test. I had to cancel my interview appointment because the job that sucked the life out of me sent me to Taiwan.
    
79. I have traveled to Canada, Taiwan, Mexico, Belize, and Honduras. I don’t feel like I’ve truly seen any of these places, except for Taiwan.
80. I get a professional pedicure every few months.
81. I am a graphic designer.
82. I am a web designer.
83. I pick at my nose a lot.
84. In a previous life, I went to media make-up artistry school and did makeup for print work, television shows that never aired (or only the pilot aired), and a movie that won several awards at film festivals including Sundance.
85. When I tell people this, they assume I also know how to do hair, but I don’t. I strictly know camera makeup.
86. My first job ever was for an MLM company. I was 14 when I started.
87. I have never left the MLM industry since. I love it. And most people I know who have ever worked at the corporate office of an MLM never end up leaving the industry.
88. I could never be an MLM distributor. I don’t have what it takes.
89. I could, however, be a party plan distributor, but I’m not.
90. I am the most talkative person I know.
91. I love to say things for the shock value. I get that from my Dad. I put my foot in my mouth quite often for this.
92. Sometimes I get embarrassed about my feelings and push loved ones away.
93. When I first meet someone I’m really shy. Once I feel comfortable around them, I overcompensate for that early shyness.
94. I’m a people watcher. When I watch people I’ve never met, I can see through them and feel like I know them after only a few minutes. I’ve done this since I was a baby.
95. Sometimes I still listen to Ace of Base.
96. My favorite colors are green and orange.
97. My husband says I use exorbitant amounts of toilet paper. It’s because what if the wad is too thin and my finger pokes through?
98. I only drink bottled water.
99. I didn’t graduate from college.
100. My friends and family call me either Kenna or Ken.

You Can Have It, Mom

You never realize how much you rely on technology until your mother board gets fried and you have to go an entire day without a computer. My eye has been twitching since 9:57am, which is the precise time I realized I was hosed after spending a full hour trying to turn my computer on.

Now on to more important matters. About 2-3 weeks ago, I called my mom to ask her the name of the CD she puts in every Christmas morning. It blares through the house to wake us up for present-opening time. The reason I asked is because I was collecting data for a post I was writing called The Top 10 Christmas Albums, which I would post the first week of December. And I told this to my mom on the phone.

Well last week, I was at her house and mentioned again my top ten list and SHE says, "Oh no! I was going to do that!" And I say, "No way, Mom. The post is MINE." And she says, "Okay, you can have it."

Well, Mom, I'm giving it back to you. You can have the Christmas Music post. But please make sure that George Winston's December CD is among your list. Thank you, that is all.

That, and make sure you go read it when she puts it up here.

I know this was a really lame post but it's post number 99, so you should know what's coming next. This is me hunkering down for the epic 100.

Not in the dark! Not in a tree! Not in a car! You let me be!

We were on our way home from California visiting my family for Thanksgiving, 14 of us packed into my Dad's Suburban with our dead Camry in tow. We dragged it home all the way from where it broke down in the middle of absolutely nowhere, a.k.a Barstow, CA. Just about an hour shy of home sweet home, right after realizing we were almost done having to sit on top of each other for lack of space, my cell phone rang. It was my sister in law: "Dad was just taken to the hospital for what we think is a minor stroke. He spent the day Christmas shopping, then came home to string the lights across the roof. After finishing, he came in and stood over the sink with a sudden, shooting headache. He sat down, and that's when Mom saw it, his drooping face. It looks like everything will be fine, but come to the hospital as soon as you can."

We pulled into the driveway of our tiny apartment after the longest hour of driving ever, chucked our bags in the door and sped to the hospital just in time to watch his life flight hover off the pad to take him to a different hospital better equipped to help him. So we hopped in the car with Steve's sister and her husband to meet him at the new hospital. We joked on the way there about how if Dad were awake, he'd be flying himself to the hospital. Sure, it's no KC-135, but he would have insisted anyhow.

We met up with the rest of the family and the doctor told us he was confused as to why Dad was life flighted. He had a brain stem aneurism, and it's likely he was helpless before the ambulance arrived at the house hours earlier.

No! No! No! No! No! It wasn't real, it wasn't really happening, not for real, yet still only a couple hours later we found ourselves holding each other as we stood around his bed to let him go. We let him go. He was gone. Yesterday he was on the phone listening to us complain about our broke-down car. And now he was gone. It was some foggy delirium of tears and swollen throats. And then we woke up one morning and it was real. It really did happen, for real, and now the world is one amazing man shy.

That was five years ago and we still feel it. We still miss him every single day.
His kind and gentle heart.
His friendly arms that welcomed anyone from any walk of life.
His fierce love for his grand children, for camping, for flying, for toy trains.
For movies and movie popcorn and mexican food.
For family.
For God.

But as much as we pine, there's something about someone passing away that makes their influence on us even more powerful than when they were here with us. Now his example and his memory are an almost tangible treasure.

And as if in honor of the anniversary of that indescribable day, Steve just today announced to me that he refuses to put up exterior Christmas lights. Ever. Not at this house, not at our next house, not in a box, not with a fox. Why? Because clearly it's not a good idea for Gordon men to put up Christmas lights. Just look what happens immediately afterwards.

Alive

Don't worry, I'm very much alive after a very crazy week. So is my sweet, beautiful nephew, Rayder Davis Ricks. Have you ever seen such a gorgeous day-old baby? Born November 21st.

Confession

I do love me a little Kenny G from time to time.

Announcing The Treading Water Giveaway Winner!

Thank you all so much for your great tips and advice. Some of them hit right home with me and I'm already trying them out. So it's kind of funny who won to me because, originally I was going to just put the number of entries into a bowl and draw one. That is, until I was introduced to a randomizing service by Summer. So I decided to use said randomizing service for this contest and guess who won?

Um, yeah, it was Summer. So congratulations Summer, that's what you call good karma! Send me an email at kennalyn1 at gmail dot com with your mailing address and also a clue as to what types of fragrances you normally like (fruity, floral, woodsy, musky, sporty, romantic, any adjectives will do) and I will custom design a fragrance for you and send you a Parfum Spray, Nourishing Body Lotion, and Refreshing Shower Gel. Wee! It's so fun.

Thanks again to all! This was so much fun I think I need to do more giveaways in the future. One per month is sounding great to me right now, but let's get get hasty, I'm a busy girl!