My First Trip to the Chiropractor and, Gosh, At Least a Hundred Surprises

First of all, a helpful note to the ovary-toting half of the human race (and any men who typically prefer wearing women’s underwear): opt out of the under-wire for chiropractic appointments. Some may already know this tip, but for those who don’t, you’re welcome in advance. I have just prevented the following conversation from taking place in your life:

Dr.: Ok Steve, McKenna, I have your X-Rays here, let us take a look.

Steve: Look he’s putting both up so we can compare.

Kenna: Ten bucks I’m worse off than you. OK how do we tell which one is mine and which is St- – ohhh there are my boobs.

Steve: Nice, they’re totally accentuated with the under-wire from your bra.

Dr.: uhh yes. The uhh breasts do make apparent in the x-ray.

Kenna: Clearly. Look how hot my body looks with all the fat removed!

Steve: I guess boobs aren’t made of fat because they didn’t disappear.

Dr.: So! As you can see here, the arc of life has started to straighten out behind the neck…

Like I said… some may already know this tip. For the rest of you, now you know and you’re welcome.

Although it may not provide any additional tips for my two readers, let’s finish chronicling the appointment, shall we?

The doctor excused himself because he needed to quickly go jump on someone’s back and he wanted us to watch a 15 minute video made in 1974: an introductory to chiropractics, if you will. I don’t remember much at all about the video except I do remember the part where we got to watch a baby being born from the view of the crotch-cam. Apparently being born is the first time your nervous system gets jacked up from the bones in your back being jostled and I’d like to take this opportunity to thank my parents for not sitting me down when I got home from school on the day of the maturation program to show me the crotch-cam from when I was born because I’m telling you, my neurosis would have reared its ugly head that very day and I would have missed out on many years of ignorant bliss.